Dates - to be confirmed

As I meander my way through all the sponsored ads on Instagram telling me how to launch a course, I am learning that launching is not really my bag. Although, to be honest, this whole giving a course thing isn’t yet my bag either.

It’s not comfortable for me and, having done it before, I also know how hard I found it. So, I hear you ask, why on earth am I doing it again? Because it made a significant difference. It helped people both find and deepen their faith. It changed their relationship with their sobriety.

The shift from devout atheist to a silver-cross wearing believer is the foundation of how I live my life sober. It enables all the other pieces to come together. The first few months after I gave up drinking were like a rollercoaster. Days merged together, I would crawl back into bed each evening as if it was a nuclear bunker saving me from an imminent attack. What had previously just been a distraction became an obsession and I felt it in all the ways.

It came to a head one night when my husband at the time left half a bottle of red wine open on the counter and it sang to me like a mermaid from across the room. I was drawn to it as a ship to the rocks. “Just have a sniff” it sang, “it will make it all so much better”. I felt myself compelled towards it and leant in. That was almost the fateful move. As I moved in for the sniff, it changed in tone, “Just have a sip, no-one needs to know”. I immediately saw a dirty, slimy, smelly creature at the bottom of the bottle, much like Gollum in Lord of the Rings singing “Come here my pretty”. I turned away, terrified and repulsed. That was where I was going if I had that one sip, of that I was sure. “What the fuck do I do now?” I thought to myself, “this thing has me”. I sent a text to Sam, a woman in AA, one of the few whose number had made it into my phone out of the many who had offered. I nearly drank, what do I do? She messaged me back - you need to pray. No, this is really serious, I nearly drank, what do I do? PRAY, came back the message, GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND SAY THE SERENITY PRAYER.

I can still remember how that message slammed me back against the wall. The very concept of praying made me feel sick, my entire body repulsed by the idea of seeking help from a non existent being. But, and this is the most important point, I had nowhere else to go. My back was against the wall and I was firmly cornered.

I acknowledged that this didn’t have to be a God defined by religion but could be my own version, that I could decide what God I was going to pray to. There was no attachment to anything that anyone else believed it. This could be my own personal definition.

So I did it. I got down on my knees, more uncomfortable than I have ever been and I had the chat. I professed my disbelief, my tone was not polite or gracious. I was terrified and desperate. I offered a deal. “I will pray but you better turn up” is how it went but with way more swear words. I closed my eyes and chanted the serenity prayer.

God, Grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can
and Wisdom to know the difference.

And went to bed.

When I woke the next morning it was different, slower. The world was moving at a pace that I could engage with, no longer streaming past my eyes in a haze.

I got back on my knees and we had another chat.

Over the next few months I prayed almost hourly, every time my head went somewhere I didn’t want it to go I would close my eyes and pray. The problems I encountered would be followed by solutions. I wish I’d kept a diary to be able to list them all to you. Financial difficulties, work difficulties, relationship difficulties, all became slower and manageable. I began to believe, this was too much to be put down to luck or coincidence.

I added the step three prayer and the Francis of Assisi prayer. I offered thanks, I bought a silver cross for a deeper connection and to demonstrate my faith. As I sat in meetings and discussions on how to stay sober and heal, I realised how much easier this would be now that I had faith.

All the things became lighter and feasible. Sitting with the initial acceptance of self, moving towards self-love, letting go of resentments, fears, anger. It changed all my relationships especially the one that I had with myself. This was how I was going to learn about who I was without being terrified of ‘what’ I was going to find.

My faith is my cornerstone, my absolute. It is how I got sober, it’s how I stay sober. It has been central to the leaving of my marriage, my house, my job. It is not a religious God, I have neither the patience nor desire to research and forge a connection with any religion. I also don’t need to. I have God in my life, this is how it works.

Hence the course. I want to share this. I want to provide a space where others can explore how this might work for them or not. There is no judgement. I will share my experience and process in a detailed way that gives opportunity for consideration.

Here are some comments from previous attendees:

“I would highly recommend doing this course. If you have ever wondered where your spiritual self may be - this course will help surface your spiritual self who is full of faith and love. It has helped vastly helped my recovery by enriching my understanding of my god and higher power.”

“I really enjoy hearing your story about how you started out in AA. Amazing how far you've come with your faith. Seeing how you practice your spirituality was really helpful. Sharing your prayers and hearing you read them was a really nice touch as well. Coming from the catholic church, it's so refreshing to see other ways to practice faith that don't include going to church and being preached at. Thank you for being so open with a difficult topic.”

“I achieved more than I expected. It deepened my connection and relationship with God.”

“A very enjoyable course with such a fantastic feeling of connection with God and an inspiring , enthusiastic presentation.”

“I really was affected by the course in a positive way. My outlook has changed and I am calmer and happier about my life as I welcome god to help me with the challenges.”

There are limited spaces, it’s not a course for large numbers of people. This time around I am adding a private Facebook group to provide a space for connection within those attending. I have investigated other options but want to limit the cost of the course whilst I assess what capability I am going to be looking for.

Details are as follows:
- six weeks duration from Friday 13th September to Friday 25th October (no call on October 4th, integration week) @ 9am PT/Noon ET/5pm UK
- you will receive daily reflections for the full length of the course.
- each call is live and my part in it will be recorded, shares and reflections will not be recorded.
- cost is $550, I anticipate that this will increase over time.

We will work through the approach that I used in developing my own spiritual connection and relationship with my God, including how I integrated it into developing my sense of self and learning to live with love. Topics are:
Week One - Creating the Foundation
Week Two - Developing the Connection
Week Three - Living with God
Week Four - Living with Spiritual Values
Week Five - Living with Love
Week Six - Moving Forward

The sign up process is payment via stripe - which will provide the substack link following payment.

If you have any questions or require more information please do get in touch by contacting me at louise@louiseatthey.com.

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