I stopped asking why me, indeed why not me?

Not everyone who needs to, makes it.  I’ve seen people try to stop and be unable to.  It rarely, if ever, ends well.  In the early days, the argument was about whether I was ready, whether I’d had enough of alcohol.  And then, it became about whether I was worthy of sobriety.  Self esteem and self worth were a huge challenge for me.  I started to watch them at work.  How they would sneak into my thoughts, direct my attention.  Always downwards, always downwards.  I soon realised that these two needed to be brought into check.  They are different.  Self esteem is how someone feels about themselves, whilst self worth is how much they feel that they deserve.  For me, they would turn up together.  Don’t do it Louise, you are no good and you don’t deserve better.  So I started to say to myself, but what if I am worth more, what if I too, can be better.   I listened to the stories of recovery.  I witnessed the changes that had happened to people’s lives.  I added positive mantras into my day.  I started to witness my own changes.  Small at first and then growing much bigger.  I looked at myself in the mirror, deep into my eyes, and said “You are ok.”  This has become a huge smile and an “I love you”.  

Because I too am as worthy as the next person and my only job is to be me.