I have a higher power that I call God

I can’t talk about my recovery without mentioning God.  When I realised that the AA steps involved God, I dismissed them.  Absolutely, out of hand.  There was no God.  No God, no way.  I was adamant that even if I did stop drinking then it certainly wasn’t going to be with a God and, even more dismissively, prayer.  And then, one day, I found out that it wasn’t optional for me.  A bottle of wine had been left out in the kitchen and it sang to me, like a mermaid.  I found myself stood in front of it as it whispered “Just a sniff, Louise, just a sniff”.  As I leant towards it, it turned to “how about a sip, nobody needs to know”.  In that moment, I suddenly saw a dark, slimy, smelly creature at the bottom of the bottle.  A bit like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, singing “Come here, my pretty”.  And I knew that if I drank that was where I was going, I would become that creature.  I messaged someone who told me to pray.  To which I replied, “I’m serious, I nearly drank”.  To which she replied “SAY THE SERENITY PRAYER, ON YOUR KNEES”.   I can still remember the shame and embarrassment I felt as I got on my knees and recanted it.  When I got up the next morning and did it again, the world changed.  The rollercoaster that I’d been strapped into since I had stopped drinking, had come to a halt.  I could breathe.  I asked for his help and he came.

I didn’t believe in God, he didn’t care, he was there for me anyway.